


Drench yourself in words unspoken

by Trifoliate_undergrowth



Category: Half-Life
Genre: (for the first chapter), Cuddling & Snuggling, Depression, Emails, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Epistolary, Fluff and Humor, Idiots in Love, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, Rain, Sign Language, and not, black mesa is a bad place to work, nonverbal Gordon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-18 20:13:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29374395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trifoliate_undergrowth/pseuds/Trifoliate_undergrowth
Summary: Black Mesa gets a rare rainstorm, and one Gordon Freeman crawls out of the lab dungeons to see the phenomenon with his friend.
Relationships: Barney Calhoun/Gordon Freeman
Comments: 14
Kudos: 56





	1. Chapter 1

Sender: Calhoun

Re:Re:Re:Re:Re: THESE ARE THE VOYAGES OF THE STARSHIP ENTERPRISE

Gordon

Hello this is just a check to see that you are NOT at your computer tonight still (the 5th). If you see this tomorrow disregard this message.

If you see this on the 5th (or VERY early on the 6th) please know that you are the stupidest scientist here and you will be even stupider from sleep deprivation tomorrow if you don’t get your ass to bed we’ve had this discussion friend.

Sleep well : ) Barney

Sender: Freeman

Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re: THESE ARE THE VOYAGES OF THE STARSHIP ENTERPRISE

Hello Barney. It is approximately 11:45 on the 5th. I am ashamed.

Sender: Calhoun

Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re: THESE ARE THE VOYAGES OF THE STARSHIP ENTERPRISE

Shame is not required. Going the fuck to be is. Do I need to come down there.

Sender: Freeman

Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re: THESE ARE THE VOYAGES OF THE STARSHIP ENTERPRISE

What should I be going to be?

Sender: Calhoun

Subject: to bed motherfucker

You know what I meant. You know what I meant.

Sender: Freeman

Re: to bed motherfucker

To be or not to be that is the question

Sender: Calhoun

Re:Re: to bed motherfucker

Whether to extend thy miserable nocturnal existence or by going the fuck to bed end it

Sender: Freeman

Re:Re:Re: to bed motherfucker

Dark.

Sender: Calhoun

Re:Re:Re:Re: to bed motherfucker

Shhhh it won’t hurt. Go to bed : )

Sender: Freeman

Re:Re:Re:Re:Re: to bed motherfucker

D : I am being threatened

Sender: Calhoun

Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re: to bed motherfucker

Yes. Yes you are being threatened. Is it working? Go to bed!! Why are you still at your computer?

Sender: Freeman

Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re: to bed motherfucker

I don’t know. Just kind of happened. Currently having a very engaging email convo : )

Sender: Calhoun

Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re: to bed motherfucker

Oh no I’m just enabling you aren’t I

Sender: Freeman

Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re: to bed motherfucker

Partially. I would be up anyway. I’ve been having trouble getting to sleep.

Sender: Calhoun

Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re: to bed motherfucker

Hmm I think I’ve got a crowbar around here someone, I could come conk you on the head. Seriously though what’s the problem? Work that bad?

Sender: Freeman

Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re: to bed motherfucker

I don’t know just haven’t been sleeping well. Kleiner says it might be burnout. But hold on, you’re still awake too. What about you, Calhoun? What are you doing up? Think you alone are better than the rest of us, and above the necessity for sleep?

Sender: Freeman

Subject: HEY COWARD

I see you not responding : )

Sender: Calhoun

Subject: oh my god give me a minute I was still typing

Because SOMEONE makes fun when I rush and make typos.

Anyways yeah I’m still up I have late shift tomorrow so I don’t have to be up at the asscrack of dawn. I’m gonna stay up a while, have a beer, do some reading, I want to try to catch the rain : )

Sender: Freeman

Subject: The What

The what you’re going to what the what

Sender: Calhoun

Subject: the RAIN

Did no one tell you we’re getting RAIN this is like a monumental event how are the scientists not talking about this, I know you guys don't slither up out of your lab dungeons to blink at the sunlight that often but still. Yeah there’s a hurricane coming in it’s mostly hitting cali but we’ll get the edges of it enough to get some real heavy showers for once. travel is restricted for now, inside and out, because there are probably going to be awful flash floods around here. I don't know why inside needs to go on soft lockdown, but I don't mind staying in my room, so, whatever. 

Sender: Freeman

Re: the RAIN

Oh that’s why Eli was talking about hurricanes earlier. And why I got that announcement email I just skimmed because I thought it was another drill. I didn’t quite get that. Wow. I miss rain. Grew up in Seattle, it’s practically a daily occurance.

Sender: Calhoun

Subject: it’s occurrEnce

I have redeemed myself…. : )

Yeah wow that may actually be too much rain. I like rain though. It never sounded right after I moved out of my parents’ house. You should listen to rain from under a tin roof, it makes this soothing drumming sound. Everywhere else I go it sounds wrong. Still nice, though. I’m looking forward to hearing it again.

Sender: Freeman

Subject: I was not an English major

What can I say… I’m a physicist not a writer…

How’s it looking up there? Is it going to rain soon?

Sender: Calhoun

Re: I was not an English major

“I am not a writer” he writes, writing, with written language. For better or for worse (likely worse!) you are doing the writing.

Hm I’ve been in the common room furiously typing at a friend who won’t go to bed for a while now let me check the window.

Windy. Cloudy. I think it’s getting close? No water yet, but I’d bet you five it starts in the next half hour, it’s got that stormy look. Lots of wind. Lots of sand, so far. 

Hey do you want to commit a minor security breach and come up here to see it? I’m up for a while anyway, I don’t mind. But you have to promise not to report me for furniture crimes if I show you my room, my roommate decided to bend a few dorm rules to fit more stuff in here.

Sender: Freeman

Subject: Yes

When don't I jump at a chance to break protocol? I’ll head up on the next tram if that’s alright with you?

Sender: Calhoun

Subject: better run then

Yeah come on why are you waiting for permission I just invited you, scoot! You’re gonna miss it!

Sender: Freeman

Subject: See you topside

: )

Sender: Calhoun

Re: See you topside

Stop responding! You’d better be gone!

Sender: Calhoun

Re:Re: See you topside

Good finally

Sender: Calhoun

Re:Re:Re: See you topside

Great you should be en route now. See you soon. Don’t know why I’m still typing.

Sender: Calhoun

Re:Re:Re:Re: See you topside

Whatever happens I w

Sender: Calhoun

Re:Re:Re:Re:Re: See you topside

Oh fuck didn’t mean to send that one.

Sender: Calhoun

Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re: See you topside

What I was going to say is it makes you weirdly nostalgic talking late at night and I just hoped we’d stay friends, regardless of anything else that happens. Logging off now. The Jerm’s been bothering me for the computer for like half an hour now. Also I want to get outside and see what the storm is doing. I’ll see you soon.

Barney sighed and sat back in the chair, which sagged and creaked alarmingly. He ignored it, used to this chair. Jeremey had disappeared, apparently giving up on ever getting the computer back from him, so he was alone, the room quiet except for the muffled sound of wind rushing in waves outside. Most of the lights were off, the drab glow from the computer’s screen lighting his face.

Well, maybe this suspicious chain of emails would make him keep his resolution this time. Gordon would likely ask about it if he didn’t bring it up, so he might as well bite the bullet. Come on, how hard could it be? _Hey, Gordon, I’ve got a crush on you, totally fine if you don’t feel the same way, I just felt like you should know, yeah no totally understandable let’s never talk about this again, thanks for being cool_. There. You’ve got it scripted. Just stop _thinking_ about it and _say_ it.

He sighed.

Sender: Calhoun

Subject: Just need to burn some bridges

I keep putting this off so I need to preemptively sabotage myself. If you see this tomorrow and I haven’t said something to you (you’ll know) please feel free to call me a coward and pester me about it. There now I have to talk to you.

Re: earlier emails. That’s really what I think. I just don’t want to lose your friendship, now or ever.

He grimaced, shut his eyes and hit Send. There. Bridges burned. He was doing it tonight. Probably. If he could find a good moment. It’d be hard to back out of this one, but not impossible.

Fuck it. Emails done. He had a storm to watch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is lyrics from Unwritten, also known as the FEEEEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN song  
> hello yes I have been going thru it and I just w. I want. Barney to hug me. The self-indulgent nature of this fic will become more obvious with later chapters.  
> Also I miss rain on a tin roof, it’s such a soft sound here, doesn’t seem right. My mom never did get used to the tin roof sound but I grew up with it.  
> Oh right I need to roast myself. Gordon is like "I'm a physicist not a writer don't judge me for my typos" and his typo is what it is because I personally, writer of fic and holder of an english degree, made that typo and then decided to leave it and make jokes about it. That was the origin of both typos actually. Improv..  
> BETCHA FIVE I CAN GET ANOTHER CCHAPTER UP TOMORROW I have the day off amd I need some Softe so by God I will create it for myself


	2. FEEL THE RAIN ON UR SKN

Gordon really hoped Barney was serious about planning to stay up late anyway, he didn’t want to sabotage any other sleep schedules but his own, but he’d jumped at the chance to do something other than either zone out at his work computer after hours or go back to his empty room and do the usual ‘can’t sleep, too tired to focus on anything distracting, gonna flail around and get up and lay back down 900 times’ routine yet again. Maybe he just didn’t want to be alone. Just the thought of seeing Barney was comforting in a way he wasn’t sure how to describe.

The tram moved from the echoey dimness of the tunnel into a rush of heavy rain and it felt like salvation. Gordon, already standing with his face nearly touching the glass, grinned up at the water racing down the windows, realizing all at once just how long it had been since he heard that once-familiar sound. It was almost overwhelming in the echoing glass compartment of the tram, but beautiful. He couldn’t stop grinning, pacing from one side of the tram to the other, even though he could barely see anything on either side. He didn’t notice when they’d reached the station and the sudden jolt of the tram stopping knocked him off balance against the wall.

The doors slid open and the smell of rain poured in. He raced out, crossed the station without stopping and ran out from under the roof into the rain.

It was shockingly cold, and he laughed, spreading his arms. The sound was gentler out here, but no less overwhelming, a _shhhhhh_ that filled every inch of space around him and pressed close. His glasses got splashed and fogged up immediately and he took them off and turned his face up to meet the rain, closing his eyes, feeling the rain soak through his hair and clothes, like it was washing away Black Mesa and stripping him down to his essence. He almost thought he could hear the waves of Puget Sound.

Another sound, distinct from the rain, muddled through it. He only barely identified it as a familiar voice, not picking up the words. He turned, blinking through the rainwater, which blurred everything even worse than it already was without his glasses, but he could just identify that that was Barney behind him, with an umbrella? He walked closer, squinting, and Barney held out an arm and caught him.

“I said I thought you might need an umbrella but you seem to be quite happy without it.”

Gordon laughed in response, but did step under the umbrella, which had the musty smell of something that’s been folded up while still damp and left in a closet once and can never forget it. Barney looked different out of his uniform. He couldn’t see details very well between the dim light and not having his glasses on, he just got a general impression of—unusual softness? He looked like he was wearing a hoodie.

“It’s really something, isn’t it?” Barney continued. “I think I understand why we get flash floods now, especially with how dry the ground is out here. Must be terrifying.”

Gordon nodded. Barney started to move and he followed, keeping mostly under the umbrella. He was starting to feel the cold now. No regrets. Well, maybe a couple. Being in the rain was great but being damp for hours afterwards was not. But he was _not_ heading back so soon. Even if there was a tram. There wouldn’t be another for another hour now, but he had no intention of leaving anyway.

“Gettin kinda soggy out here,” commented Barney, stepping out of standing water onto the steps.

Gordon splashed his feet up and down, only now noticing how the water was starting to pool on the concrete. Hm yeah. Could Black Mesa flood? That should be a thing they would have taken into consideration long before now. It was probably fine.

He dragged his shoe through the water, watching waves roll out beside him. Amazing. Dry for months, and now so much water all at once.

Barney was waiting for him at the top of the steps, under the awning. He’d closed the umbrella and was shaking it out. Gordon hopped up the steps, panting a little, and Barney swiped his keycard and opened the door. Gordon hesitated, looking back at the rain, still coming down in heavy white sheets.

“Want to stay outside?” asked Barney, closing the door again.

Gordon wavered for a minute, then signed “wait just a moment” and ran back down the steps and out into the rain.

The shock of cold was worse the second time, maybe because he was already chilled, but he laughed; it was sharp and invigorating and he hadn’t felt this alive in—months, probably, but _definitely_ the last few days—and he knew the feeling wouldn’t last but he was going to milk it for all it was worth. He was out under the sky again and it was raining and it felt like home. He raced back and forth, kicking up sheets up water, splashing and sliding, trying to move fast enough that he wouldn’t mind the cold, ignoring the involuntary shivers that spread from the pit of his stomach. Finally in his wild laps he slipped and went down hard on his back, water splashing up around him and soaking every inch of him that hadn’t already been soaked. He let his head fall back into the water and laughed.

Steps splashed towards him, and the rain stopped hitting his face. Barney was crouched over him with the umbrella, face tense.

“Gordon?”

He grinned up at him, chest still shaking with silent laughter.

“Oh, you’re laughing.” Barney relaxed into a smile. “You, uh, kinda scared me for a minute there. Yeah, it’s pretty great, huh?”

Gordon leaned back into the water, humming softly. Boy this was cold. Very cold and hard and he should probably get up but he didn’t want the moment to end. He took a few deep breaths and pushed himself up to a sitting position. Barney stood and held out a hand to help him up. He stood half under the umbrella and half out of it, water running down one side of his face.

It all felt like so much. He was _raw_ and everything was so much. The cold water, the way his muscles kept twitching from the cold, the stillness under the umbrella and dry muffled beat of rain above, the way Barney didn’t immediately drop his hand after helping him up, but held it for a moment longer than he needed to. Warm and dry and rough.

He squeezed as much water out of his clothes as he could on the stairs before he followed Barney inside, but his shoes still squeaked on the floor. He hoped he wasn’t dripping too much. A breeze from the AC touched him and he shivered harder, more on the skin this time, though there was still a horrible clenched feeling in his gut. He rubbed his arms. It helped a little.

“Alright, welcome to Chateau Bachelorpad, please don’t judge it too harshly,” said Barney, opening the door to his room.

“Are those beds supposed to be bunked?” asked Gordon.

“Absolutely not,” said Barney. “Please don’t tell on us.”

“Is it safe?”

“Probably not, but consider: game table and extra wardrobe.”

Aside from the illegally stacked beds and game table there was a severely battered bookcase with an eclectic collection of comic books, cryptid studies and novels, and there was a large telescope propped on the minifridge under the window. Gordon knelt, wiped off his glasses, put them on and and looked through the telescope into a dark blur.

“Yeah, this place is great for stargazing like 90% of the time. I think this is the first night we haven’t had absolutely perfect conditions. Since we’re so far out, there isn’t much light pollution, and there usually aren’t any clouds…” Barney chuckled. “Maybe sometime I’ll catch some alien activity. Doesn’t hurt to try.”

I love him so much, thought Gordon, furiously staring at the absolutely nothing visible through the telescope.

“Hey, the beers are in there if you want one.”

Gordon swung open the minifridge and a large bottle of jasmine tea fell out.

“Oh, I think that’s Frank’s. My stuff’s on the left. Theoretically. It all kinda gets jumbled.”

Gordon replaced the tea, identified a stash of Barney’s favorite beer, and managed to fish out two bottles without causing another landslide. He stood, passing one to Barney.

Barney had taken his hoodie off—this was the first time he’d seen him in just a T-shirt, he thought. He watched the muscles flex in his arms as he opened the bottle.

“…earth to Gordon, come in?”

Oh. Right. He handed Barney his bottle to open and watched the procedure with a normal amount of interest. Almost dropped the bottle when Barney handed it back to him because he wasn’t looking at it.

“You cold?” Barney put a hand on his arm. _Warm_. “Wooof, yeah, you’re shivering. OK, come on.”

He was still a little too dazed to question why Barney led him into the bathroom until he was in there and wondering why.

“Okayy, this one should be clean?” He passed him a towel. “Dry off, I’ll get you some clothes.”

Gordon just stared at the towel for a moment. This was too much to deal with he was way too tired he was going to start crying.

“If you’re really cold you could take a shower—”

“No this is fine,” Gordon signed, “Thank you. I didn’t think that through.”

“Hah! Nah, I think that’s pretty obvious, but hey, it was nice to see you having fun. Doesn’t happen nearly often enough,” Barney playfully shoved him with his shoulder and dropped a bundle of clothes on top of the towel.

They were soft. His work clothes were stiff and uncomfortable even when they weren’t soaking wet and freezing. Getting out of them and into these was like heaven. Soft, warm sweatpants and a long-sleeved black T-shirt. He put it on and wrapped his arms around himself, snuggling into the soft touch of it. It smelled faintly of him, too.

 _Anyways_. He pulled the tie out of his hair, slicking water off into his hand; shook out his hair and towel-dried it as much as he could. Massive improvement, he felt much more human and less like a drowned rat.

When he opened the door Barney was slumped back on the lower part of the illegal bunk arrangement, beer in hand, listening to the rain. He looked up.

“So—” he cut off.

Gordon picked up his beer, then looked at Barney expectantly.

Barney blinked. “…Huh I. think that’s the first time I’ve seen you with your hair down.”

Gordon held up a finger, wait a minute—then tossed his hair around so it fell in front of his face. He heard Barney explode into laughter and he grinned, shaking his hair back.

“You look like—like one of those dogs with the mop hair, what are those?”

Gordon made a face at him and sat on the edge of the bed.

“Please know I mean that in the nicest way possible, I’ve never seen someone look more like a wet mop.” He was still cackling uncontrollably, so it was impossible to be offended.

Gordon waited until he was looking at him. “Thank you,” he signed.

“Hm? Oh, for the clothes?”

“For the everything. But yes, the clothes.”

“Better give em back,” said Barney. “I like that shirt.”

Gordon raised an eyebrow and made as if to pull the shirt off. Barney wheezed and grabbed his arm.

“Oookay no that’s fine keep em forever.”

Gordon chuckled. “My masterplan has succeeded.”

“Oh, bastard. You come in my house, you steal my nice shirts and my beer.”

Gordon hummed, zoning out a little to listen to the rain drumming on the window.

“It’s such a nice sound.”

“Hm?” Barney appeared to remember the rain. “Oh yeah. Yeah, it is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *banging pots and pans together* COZY!!!!!   
> This fic should be a lot shorter, should’ve ended w Gordon immediately going “your shirt is so soft” when he put it on and Barney going “yea its boyfriend material : )” and then they kiss ANYWAYS. I will manage to fix it despite the obliviousness. Ya dumbasses. LITERALLY HOW can you both have the exact same gay little :O moment over each other to the point of it being noticeable that you’re staring and somehow you both manage to NOT recognize that you’re having the exact same gay experience and just go “oh okay that’s normal I guess”   
> CANNOT get over the image of. Gordon looking through a telescope into RAINCLOUDS on a CLOUDY NIGHT and then he just KEEPS DOING IT


End file.
